| i'm trying to be happy here. i really am. it's just so insanely hard to be happy here. actually happy. ugh. |
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| i don't think many people know about this.
i absolutely love to sing. i'd say that's one of my favorite things to do. ever.
i would like to go to music school. not for the violin, like many people think.
but what do people do with a vocal performance major? usually, they either don't make it or they make it big.
and i don't want either. haha. i don't want to be some famous person who gets all superficiality and no privacy at all.
but this brings me to the fact that i don't have a fantastic voice. i wish i did, so badly.
i know that i'm not going into this as a career, but i still wish i had a better voice, a better range, better tonality, better quality, better everything. ugh.
but i'm too shy about singing in front of others. i don't know whyyyyyyyy. gah.
but this is why people don't know. i don't think many people have ever heard me sing forreal.
i think part of it is because if people do, i'll come off as trying to show off... or something. and the last thing i ever want to be is obnoxious.
i wish i could sing better. boo.
sometimes i wish i did go to music school. sometimes i feel like i'm making a mistake by not pursuing the arts. any kind of the arts... why is it such an unstable field? ugh.
oh music. i actually totally would if i were good enough. but i'm a level below where i need to be. yet the distance of where i need to be increases everyday, as people my age get trained professionally.
this is just a rant. instead i'm stuck here listening to other people singing fantastically and me wishing i were them or i had their voice. and i'm not doing my homework because i'm listening to them sing. because i can't multi-task because music is something i pay attention to. boo.
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| i think i'm the only one who falls in love with voices.
i absolutely adore good singing.
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| everything & everyone fell apart after high school.
thank you for ruining my life, college.
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| i was gonna write about something here, but i forgot what it was.. probably something about aladdin or something, cuz thats what i stayed up until 3am for last night. cuz i love disney.
but i read a blog that someone else wrote and i just wanna write this one sentence cuz i dont have enough time to do a whole rant on it anyway...
i definitely do not wanna make the same mistakes i made in high schools. i dont wanna regret the same things. it's like another chance, another school. i dont want to look back on shoulda, woulda, couldas. i do have a lottttt of things that i regret about high school. a lot.
particularly things about friends. having relationships that i probably won't get a chance to have here because this school i go to now is so freakin big and anti-social. but maybe i can break that barrier even a little... it's what you make of it right?
maybe i'm being too angsty that i go to this school, receiving it in a bad way that makes me not want to get involved or anything.
wow, i miss high school but if i take away anything from it, do NOT screw up college like you did high school, vicki.
make friends, please.
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